The COMPASS dialogue framework helps foster productive conversations about tough issues to navigate towards more positive outcomes.

This probably goes without saying, but it’s difficult to have productive conversations about tough topics. The difficulty is compounded by our informational overload world and online spaces that incentivize outrage and impulsivity. It’s hard to believe the speed at which our beliefs become entrenched and our positions polarized. And what effectively counters counterproductive vitriol and online and in-person radicalization? One-to-one conversations. We have an uphill battle ahead, and we all have a duty to become more intentional with how we communicate. This is why I put together the COMPASS framework – let’s get moving in a better direction.

Cool off before you boil over

Think of your initial reaction to a contentious topic as a spark. Before you let it ignite, take a moment to cool off. This isn’t just pausing—it’s giving your mind the space to simmer down and your emotions the chance to settle into a more reflective state. By taking time before responding, your input will not only be more thoughtful but also more likely to be heard.

Operate in good faith

“Too often we judge other groups by their worst examples while judging ourselves by our best intentions.” – George W. Bush 

Whatever your feelings about George W. Bush, he makes an excellent point. We cannot make progress by assuming the worst about everyone on the other side of an issue. Despite the impulse, we must not allow even justifiable outrage to dominate our conversations. The higher the stakes, the more intentional we must be to operate in good faith. It builds trust, encourages open and transparent exchanges, and minimizes conflicts and misunderstandings. 

Mindfully listen; respond with insight

When you comment or state your position, you will be clear about your point of view (at least from your own perspective). But do you truly understand the other person’s position? Do they think you do? In the rush to express our own views and persuade, we often get caught up in our emotions to listen with intention. Make it a point to first fully grasp what the other person is saying. Echo their thoughts to confirm you understand what they’re trying to communicate. This practice not only helps make sure the conversation is productive and rooted in understanding—it also tempers the conversation, making your subsequent responses more insightful and considerate.

Pursue clarity and verification

Embrace the dual tools of clarification and verification, inspired by Project Shema's principles. When a statement seems contentious or unclear, get clarity by asking questions. "What I'm hearing is..." or "Are you suggesting that...?" Be sure your conversation is based on accurate understanding to avoid the pitfalls of baseless assertions and assumptions. We want to have meaningful, outcome-oriented conversations, and if we make assumptions based on our own perspectives, we talk past one another. You might as well scream into the void if that’s your tactic. Which, to be clear, I don’t recommend.

Anchor in facts

Keep your discussions anchored in verifiable facts. While it may seem obvious, this isn’t the default setting in most difficult conversations. But unsurprisingly, doing so helps maintain focus and prevent the conversation from veering into less productive emotional territories. Still, facts alone aren’t the goal—look beyond them towards solutions. What are the outcomes you both might agree are desirable? How can your discussion serve as a stepping stone towards those ends?

Start with humanity

Whether interacting in person or online, remember that behind every comment, there’s a human being. And believe it or not, you probably have more in common with that person than you are ready to admit. Strive to communicate as if you were face-to-face, with all the respect and consideration that entails. Make a conscious effort to override the emotionally charged impulses that dehumanize others based on the limited insights we have about their perspectives, backgrounds, and intentions. 

Seek comfort in discomfort

Approaching difficult topics is inherently uncomfortable, but there is profound value in these tough conversations—they can lead to significant personal and communal growth. They certainly produce more positive outcomes than the alternative tactics of berating, shaming, or mocking your opposition. Embrace this discomfort, understanding that it’s part of the process. Throughout, extend grace to yourself and others, recognizing that missteps are part of learning and evolving. When diverse backgrounds, experiences, and points of view are present, it’s never a straight line to meaningful progress.